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Chukumeka's Story

Chukumeka lives and works in Totnes in Devon. He works in health and social care in a variety of different roles, including mental health and wellbeing, suicide prevention work and therapeutic mentoring massage, supervision and teaching.

“I’ve experienced my fair share of mental health difficulties.  It started for me as a young boy in the civil war in Nigeria, but I had to just make sense of that.  When I returned to England my hair turned grey and I was going through a lot of nervousness and self-consciousness. 

Being from Hackney in East London, going away to public school and living in other countries also caused me a lot of anxiety.  A lot of my issues have been around a sense of identity, class and trying to find a place to feel comfortable. This created a lot of mental health difficulties and a disconnect from feelings.

As the intensity of it happened, I noticed more as I was trying to grapple with competing with my friends and colleagues rather than being able to collaborate and be alongside them. And that’s where it led to deep levels of loneliness, sadness and depression.

I left my first career in hotel and catering and proceeded to go on a holistic massage course.  I then encountered some esoteric studies and started to really explore my perceptions of life and what it was all about.  I went to psychics, I went to these personal development groups, but I was still really searching – they just told me what I thought I knew.  It slowly made me open up to the real deep inner conflict in my life, which was really intense.

Counselling didn’t really work for me because there were deep underlying cultural issues that affected my identity and mental health, but it’s important for both men and women but particularly men to talk about their feelings.  Through my massage therapy service, it enabled me to open up to people about my struggles and they then opened up to me about their own.

My mental health disturbances have affected most areas of my life.  In terms of my work it made me quite fast and aggressive. This was good for rugby, but not life. I really overworked, which wasn’t good, and I didn’t spend enough time in my personal relationships and as a son and a father, I didn’t really focus. 

There was always a feeling of not being good enough, especially with internal and external racism. That sense of not being good enough can consume your thoughts.  You try harder and when rejection takes place it reinforces your belief system that you’re not good enough.

I think it affected all my life and later it manifested in physical illnesses in terms of my emotions, around my stomach area and liver and finally a form of bladder cancer.

The major change happened when through the esoteric teachings of Buddha and Jesus the Christ I started studying at the science of the Seven Rays, and the science of metatronics, which helped me make sense of things.   I was a probationary monk for 4 years and an assistant paramedic for 4 years.

Men are seemingly meant to fix things and do things, but we need a loving complimentary relationship between men and women to allow men to open up their hearts and their feelings.

I would ask men to explore their inner world rather than their outer world; to get into things like meditation - tai chi – softer realities. My realisation is I do not know. I have my story and experience. However, my greatest help is doing darshan teachings and Om meditation at least with Buddha Maitreya the Christ three times a week and have changed my inner way of being, letting go and letting God - allowing things to happen rather than forcing things through my life.  Men feel they have to go for targets – but slow up, be gentle in your approach and allow things to evolve in a more spontaneous way. Things are changing rapidly

Life is a struggle but I try to think positively and be calm when things arise. I aspire not take things so personally, which is hard. I seek to be open and be of active of service, utilising self-compassion when I get things wrong and strengthen my conscience to be more in the moment and to trust people more.”

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