Coronavirus (COVID-19)
For information and advice, please read our coronavirus page. Read More.

Not controlling, but being controlled

My eating disorder first took hold in my teens. I felt that controlling one’s feelings was a strength and expressing them a weakness. By the age of eighteen, I was ill and emaciated. I can vividly remember the desperate realisation that I was not controlling but being controlled. Recovery involved letting someone else in. I told my boyfriend because I thought he deserved better; he wasn’t fazed at all and supported me in a way that I didn’t expect at all.

I had to find things in my life that I wanted more – my relationships with my boyfriend and friends and my work.

I want to say to anyone who feels that they are trapped with no motivation and no way out that I have been to these dark places too, and although you might feel hopeless, recovery is still possible. I was fed up with the looks, feeling so cold, tired and exhausted, unable to talk or communicate with others, but also it was a total lack of emotion, unable to express or understand what I felt or thought.

There is help out there, take the first step now and seek advice to start your personal journey to recovery.

Open Quote

There is help out there, take the first step now and seek advice to start your personal journey to recovery.

Open Quote
Accessibility